Skye, Shrek and Milkshake

Skye, Shrek and Milkshake

Don’t ask about the names; I didn’t give them. But this is my favorite picture of this trio.

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Pretty Piper

Pretty Piper

This is Piper, one of the two toy poms that tend to stalk me at my friend’s house. I have a plethora of pictures of all six of the dogs on the property, so be prepared for many more over time.

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Rational 5 am activities

So, it’s a horribly windy South African early morning, and I can’t sleep. Plus, it’s my boyfriend’s  son’s 12th birthday today. So, what else can I do at 5 am? Bake a cake and make some fruit and jelly parfaits to surprise him with at dinner time.

But, truth be told, I learned that I was becoming a bit of an insomniac when I have to sleep alone.

The mildly awkward part of this relationship, especially with it going against the grain somewhat for this man and his somewhat traditional family, is that I have to sleep in the daughter’s bedroom, while the kids sleep in the bed with him.

Now, I don’t mind it. It’s already weird that they’ve (the children) easily accepted me coming to visit, let alone staying for a short while with their dad. I’ve been staying with a friend about 60km away, so it hasn’t been a lot of me staying with him. It would go against the idea that both him and I have agreed upon: no need to rush things.

However, two weeks ago I found myself being stressed by my home environment. My boyfriend felt it would be better for me to have a change of scenery, and advised he’d be picking me up that night. I expected to stay a couple of days…..but it’s slowly been turning into an extended stay with no talk of me going home.

I don’t want to delve into too much, but the love of my life is a classic example of someone having been hurt, just to carry that pain into his next relationship. It’s been a very trying journey to be able to have patience for the past couple of years, and to maintain a level of understanding.

So, things as little as me staying for a while, let alone spending time with the loved ones, seems simple to some but are a huge deal to me.

And…..here I am, at (now) 7 am, trying to hide a mint cake with chocolate frosting as well as the chocolate cherry parfaits for a little surprise after dinner. I have to admit that it makes me pretty darn happy, even if I haven’t been to bed yet 🙂

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Fast Forward

I know I left you hanging, but I’m back with news.

Everything I was worried about…..well, I didn’t need to be.

Every sacrifice I made was totally worth it.

And, somehow, I’ve found myself happily (if not luckily) in love and exploring a rather unusual relationship.

I ended up making it to South Africa on May 3rd, 2012, sometime after 9:20 pm. Customs did not seem to exist, and I was out of the terminal rather fast. It seemed like the 21 hours of flying and everything went by in a blink of an eye once I saw the object of my interest walk up at the same time I entered the main lobby. It was then that I realized that all of the rough times I encountered since my decision to try to meet this man face to face had been erased.

It’s funny….I had always envisioned meeting someone that I’d only known online (let alone in another country) to be awkward. But the initial meeting had felt completely natural. I was instantly at ease, and we were talking as normally as we had always been.

Within a couple of weeks we were officially dating, and officially a couple within a month. Towards the end of my stay here in South Africa, I made a hasty decision to extend my stay. That meant I left behind the stable job and home to give this budding relationship more time to bear fruit.

I do know I’m wholeheartedly in love, and things were just so smooth that I had to give it a shot. I owed it to myself to live life properly, even if just this once. Too long I had hidden behind fears and worries.

The main issue was figuring a way to sustain a living while I am here. So, I decided to venture into the world of freelance writing, and searching for online customer support and virtual assistant (VA) jobs. The best resource I’ve found for working from home was oDesk.com. They have a plethora of job opportunities for many skillsets that let you bid on paid jobs that are either hourly or a fixed rate. Plus, they have a great feedback system that helps you see who has a good reputation, and their past payment history.

Hopefully that will bear fruit, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Have I found my happily ever after? Stay tuned, and we will all find out!

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The Motivation

Ah, so some wonder why I’m going through all of these efforts to venture to South Africa….I won’t lie, it’s largely to explore a possibility with someone that I value as much more than a friend.

39 days until I’m there. 39 days to get things in order, to get my courage together and to better some things about myself, from an internal perspective. 39 days until I can stand in front of the one person who has driven me and supported me throughout this process.

The water fasting will be a struggle. I have had to start out with eating one light meal, while drinking large quantities of water throughout the day. Tomorrow, it’s cold turkey time. And I won’t be stepping on the scale every day, obsessing. I’ve no time for that.

It’s hard to explain why I’m so smitten with someone I’ve yet to experience in person, but there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I’ve been put on this path for a reason.

So, I’m trying to soothe my nerves…because all of these stresses will likely be forgotten once we’re face to face.

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The First Step

Here I sit, on the dawn on a new chapter in life. I am 39 days from getting on a plane to go to South Africa. Not only am I going to South Africa, but I am going to spend 3 months there, in hopes to spend time with the man that’s turned into my best friend and main occupant of my heart.

It hasn’t been easy the past two years. I’ve left an extremely abusive situation, and an unstable life. I’ve overcome unemployment and self loathing. And he has been my rock through it all.

Somewhere amid it all, I fell in love.

I look in the mirror today, though, and realized….I’m not at all healthy. I struggle with toxic eating habits, and depression kept me hidden when I could be out and active. I have 39 days.

39 days to detox, 39 days to get things in order, and 40 days until I can finally stand in front of the man who has supported me from hell and back.

Despite a handful of false starts, I decided to use this next month to make a serious effort to water fast. In the past, I’ve found that detoxing is a powerful process, and the mental clarity significant. However…it sucks at first! Being an emotional eater, it’s been a battle.

Stepping on the scale today, I found myself at a staggering 287 lbs.

People always say I carry my weight well….but the burden compounds it. And I want to feel my best.

So, phase 1 will be a water fast. I’ll track my efforts daily and post my weights, as well as everything else that is going on in life, while I take the biggest risk and journey to date.

Happiness, love, and living each day like it’s my last. And hopefull, I will never see 28oish ANYTHING at the end of the process. ❤

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